Voting....

It's election time.  I finally received my ballot. I had been anxiously awaiting it's arrival, so you can imagine my glee when I opened my mailbox and there it sat, in all it's glory. All elections are important, but this is the biggie!  Like the Olympics, it only comes around every four years.  (Well, that was until they changed the Olympics - but - thats for another blog) Anywho - The big decision on everyones mind: Which man is the right man to lead our country?  There's been a lot of discussion on who to vote for, which issues carry weight, who would be a better president, etc. Social media sites are full of all sorts of comments. A gamut of thoughts including, but not limited to, if you vote for one candidate, you're signing our country up for the dark ages or socialism or [fill in your favorite horrible circumstance].
My favorite are the posts are ones that insinuate that if you vote for a certain candidate your Christianity is highly suspect. I have had an extremely difficult time not responding to these posts.  The "jerk" in me wants to goad them into a facebook "debate" - letting them know their posts are not only incongruous, but some of their information is unsubstantiated.  However, it's not worth the argument nor will it do anything more than fire me up.  And, in all honesty, neither their vote nor mine would change.  Debates like that aren't what I base my choices on anyway.
My vote is decided on a myriad of issues, not just one or two.  I rely on what I feel the candidate will bring to the table that will be good for ALL people in our country.  How will their ideas, politics and policies effect the entire population.  As a nurse, I look at their stance on health care.  As a woman, I look at their political track record when it comes to women's issues. As a concerned global citizen, I look at foreign policy.  And, yes, as a Christian, I look at their current and past stance on a variety of issues, not just abortion and same sex marriage.  And here's the other thing, even though I am proud registered democrat (gasp! shocking!), I don't vote for a candidate based on the -D or -R after their name.  (Here's a quick side note - not all Christians are Republican nor are all Republicans- Christians... just sayin') You may choose to vote differently than me. That's ok.  That's one of the many awesome things about being a citizen of this great country - we have the freedom to vote for who we see fit and not have to justify our choice. Isn't that great?
And for those of you wondering (or not, but this is my blog so I can write what I want) I made my decision for which presidential candidate gets my vote... And if you know me at all, you already know who...Yep. I'm voting to re-elect President Obama. 
Proceed questioning my Chritianity or giving me a high five.  I'm good with both.

Learning instead of just being...

con·tent/kənˈtent/ Adjective: In a state of peaceful happiness.

Verb: Satisfy (someone).

Noun: 1.A state of satisfaction: "the greater part of the century was a time of content". Synonyms: adjective. contented - pleased - satisfied - glad - happ 

verb. satisfy - gratify - please - indulge - suffice

noun. contents - satisfaction - contentment
 

It's been awhile since my last post. Lots has happened over the last few weeks.  Went to East Africa.  It was amazing!  It was everything I could have hoped for and more.  It was life changing to say the least.  On this trip the Father gave me much to think and pray about.  Including Phillipians 4:11.  Specifically, where Paul says, " ¹¹ ... for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." 

Learned to be content.  Who would of thought?  In all my years as a Christ follower, I've always kinda just assumed that if I wasn't content, I was doing something wrong or that I was saying that Jesus wasn't enough. That I was missing something or other that made me content and therefore, the "content boat"-whatever that is- sailed without me.  Why wasn't I "content"?  As if it was this "state of being" that one acheived at Christian maturity.  Like nirvana, or something. Of course, when I see that in writing I have to laugh, because that doesn't even make any sense. There's no magic "content" pill or Fairy Godmother that sings "bibbity boppity boo -  now your content too!"  I'm sure I've read Phillipians 4:11 a bunch of times and just floated right over the word "learned".  I kept expecting to one day wake up and find contentment.  I'm not saying I've been living in this constant state of dissatisfaction with life, all sad and depressed.  However, there have been times when my - as the definition reads - state of satisfacton or peaceful happiness has waned.  And then in East Africa something changed. I changed. My understanding changed.  All it took was Mike speaking those words to someone else on our team. I wasn't even involved in the conversation.  I just overheard him.  Talking to one our teammates he said, "Paul said he learned to be content." It was like a light bulb went on.  There almost was this audible "click", like something snapped into place. What? Paul said what? Where?  I immediately pulled out my bible and looked it up.  There in Phillipians chapter 4, verse 11 - Paul said he "learned" to be content.  It was so liberating. I think I even got a little giddy. It was like the final puzzle piece I needed from the Father to know which way I was headed. As I said earlier, the Father gave me much to think about in Africa, a decision that would effect my life greatly, including if I follow the path that I believe God wants me to follow, it might mean closing a door on another path that I've wanted to take for some time. (sorry for the vagueness, not ready to share specifically yet).  Not that I've got it all figured out, but I've had some major progress. I'll let you know how it goes.... 

Jesus and Chicken

Heres a question to ponder: Would Jesus have eaten at Chick-fil-a yesterday?

Ok, this whole Chick-fil-a thing...  I think Christians missed the boat on this BIG TIME.  I've been thinking about this for a few days now, seeing all the posts on FB about supporting Chick-fil-a, hearing it on all the radio and all I've go to say is SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE!???!!!  I mean come on!  Christians all over America jumped on some bandwagon that I don't even think the president of Chick-fil-a, Dan Cathy, meant to create.  He stated his opinion about gay marriage in a very honest and non-condemning way. Other peeps stated their opinion in response and all of a sudden it was a "war" about the 1st amendment and freedom of speech, fighting for family values, etc. etc..Then, Mike Huckabee created his "Support Chick-fil-a day" yesterday and thousands of people went and ate chicken.  Don't get me wrong. Chick-fil-a does make good chicken. There used to be one at Lloyd Center.  I remember eating there as a kid, but I still don't get it. Am I missing something??  When did loving a moral stand become more important than loving on people?  Oh wait, that's right.  That IS what the general population thinks about Christians. That we are more about rules of what to do and not do and pointing our fingers at all that is wrong, instead of meeting people where they are at, building relationships and sharing with them the Good News of Jesus. In addtion, we don't help by continually giving them SO much ammunition. Is this how we as Christians are meant to share Christ's love with the world?  We walk around talking about "loving people to Christ" and yet we post hateful statements on various social media outlets. Hateful? May be a little strong.  So, not hateful - but sure as heck not loving.  Even if under the guise of supporting some one's 1st amendment right of free speech. OK, then, let's turn the table. What if Mr. Cathy wasn't a Christian and in an interview made a statement against the Christian faith?  Would you be so fast at protecting his 1st amendment right? Street goes both ways people. If Mr. Cathy has the right to say he doesn't believe in gay marriage, someone else has the right to say they don't believe in Jesus. And the mayor of whatever town has the right to say what they want.     
Here's my last and final thought - shall we say this is me exercising my 1st amendment right... (and I may tick some peeps off with this, but here goes)  Christ followers, lovers of Jesus, Adopted Children of the Almighty God - let's get our heads out of our behinds.  Let's actually do what Christ calls us to do - LOVE people as He loved people.  Let's remember, it's not about us.  It's not about us pushing some agenda.  It's not about picking various "sins" to rally against.  Let's give the non-Christians something to talk about other than how we're against the LGBT community. This all has been very reminiscent to me...  Something about pharisees and tax collectors...  and Jesus.
To answer my first question.  If Jesus went to Chick-fil-a yesterday, it's because He just wanted some chicken,.

Getting a lil more excited...

Today - well, actually yesterday as it is 4 o'clock in the morning - the first Africa team made it back to Portland. I love going to greet people at the airport after trips, especially mission trips.  No matter how kicked or how much a shower is needed - everyone always is so stoked to see their loved ones. And those waiting for them are just as stoked, just as giddy. It always reminds me of the beginning narrative of the movie Love Actually - Hugh Grant as the "Prime Minister" says,
 "Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinions starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around"

Everyone is all huggy and smiles.  It's infectious. I love it most because they are just amped to tell everyone what the Father did, what awesome things they saw and did. 
This time though, my excitement was even more personal, as the team was coming back from the place I will be headed to in 10 short days. It's new for me - headed to a different place than my two previous trips.  Let me be honest, I've done little thinking about Africa - Between work, Centrifuge and life in general - I really haven't put much thought into getting ready.  Other than finding my journal from the first trip (see previous post) and doing some of the necessary prep - getting ready has been on the back burner. For me, this is odd.  Normally, my bags would be out, mostly packed - with only those last minute items left.  For that reason, today was so good. Seeing the team, with their bright faces, bubbling over with tales to tell... AWESOME!  Even more encouraging was not 1, not 2, but 3 of the team members (including my pastor) said to me you are SO going to love it. I believe my pastor's words were, "Right up your alley."  I got really giddy... actually, I think I got teared up a little.  (so says Jeremy anyway). 
Leaving the airport, I realized I a little more spring in my step... Excitement was building. It was like a little love note from the Father.  Don't you just love it when the Father gives you those?  Now I'm excited.  Now I'm giddy.  Just 10 short days away...

Sun burns. Bug Bites and Ice Packs... all in a days work for a camp nurse.

A week ago, I had the privledge of being the Camp Nurse for Centrifuge 2012.  It was my first time as a camp nurse.  I've done camp countless times - from cabin leader to camp director - but never a nurse.  We had over 350 students, junior high and highschoolers- plus some 50 or so adult leaders (and yes, the adults injured themselves too - Talking to you Jason from Tri City Baptist) . Along with the twisted ankles, scraped up knees and upset tummies, I had a few repeat offenders who claimed injury - "my ankle's sprained" or "my leg won't let me walk up the big hill"or my favorite "I may have just walked all the way to your cabin from across camp, but I think my foot's broken".  I also saw a few homesick kiddos, who just needed to sit with me on the porch and a girls who wanted to talk about the "stuff" in their lives. My cabin had a "revolving" door from sun up to sun down.  By the end of the first full day, I felt unprepared and overwhelmed.  I wasn't sure if I would last the week.  I felt so out of my element. Weird, right?  Being a peds nurse, I felt out of my element.  Yet, at work, I have other nurses to dialog with and typically a physician or two just a phone call a way.  I've never been the one and only.  It was challenging to say the least.  I can talk a good talk, but when it comes down to it - I sometimes feel completely inept as a nurse.  But then I have those moments, those moments that by the grace of God, I do the right thing. And know that it was all Him. I only had one of those moments last week. If it weren't for the Holy Spirit, I may have totally messed up. A camper was passing out, unable to stay "awake". I had no clue at first.  Then - aha - low blood sugar, so low he was almost unconscious.  I just shoved an orange into his mouth, hoping and praying that would do the trick, otherwise we'd be calling 911.  I was so scared - thinking what if this isn't it. He started to perk up and I had him eat the rest of the orange, plus another one.  After all was said and done - I had to drop to my knees and thank the Father for helping me know what to do and for telling me to grab and orange on my way out of the dining hall.
Feeling less than awesome, though, was later. By the end of the week, Nurse Nicole was drained. Worn out.  My empathy for the "non injury" injuries was waning, which made me feel somewhat of a failure.  It felt as if I didn't have anymore to give.  It sucked. I wanted to go and hideout in my cabin. Thankfully, the awesomeness of the students and a few honest words from a new friend, I put on my big girl panties and crossed the finish line.
Here's the thing, it will be the same when (and if) I go into career international missions as a nurse. At times, I will feel completely inept. I will get overwhelmed and feel drained.  My week at Centrifuge gave me a taste of what I'm in for - good and bad - someday down the road.  It makes me wonder, if I can barely last a week - what's going to happen when it's months, years? Maybe there it too will take awesomeness from children and honest words from a friend.  Until then, I will go back to Centrifuge next year, armed with a cooler full of ice, a glucometer and maybe even, another nurse.

Africa... Again.

In less than a month I will be winging my way back to the continent I love - Africa.  This is my third trip and I am so looking forward to being there again. I was going through some things around the house this morning and found my journal from my first trip in 2008.  Reading through my entries, my head was flooded with so many wonderful memories... So much has changed since that first trip.   I had just received my acceptance to Linfield Nursing School and was to start the month I got back.  Four years later, I've been a nurse for a year and have my dream job.  I decided to share some of the highlights from my journal here... 

• 7/30/2008 There is no more time.  Ready or not- I'm going to Africa tomorrow.  Alli asked me what I was feeling.  There are too many words right now.  I just pray the Father works mightily through and in our team.  The slog there will be interesting... we'll see.... 
•  8/2/2008 Sensory overload.  I had to shut my eyes driving out of the city.  So much poverty and desolation.  Such a different life than what I know.  I had a momentary freakout - thinking "Lord, I can't do this.  I want to go home.  What was I thinking coming to Africa.  What am I thinking? Possibly, spending my life here? I can't do it."  Then the Father reminded me - You can't, but I can.
• 8/2/2008 The contrast between the buildings and streets and the clothes on the women astounds me.  Pops of vibrant color against a dreary backdrop.  Woman after woman - amazing yellows and reds - some with precious cargo slung to their backs.  Others with baskets laden with purchases on top their heads.  Reminds me of what the Father calls us out to be - in a world of desolation and spiritual poverty, we are called to stand against a fallen backdrop - showing the true color, the very nature of the Father. 
• 8/4/2008 Yesterday was hard.  So many emotions. Tears are continually spilling over my eyes down my cheeks. The amount of love I feel swelling up in my heart for people is overwhelmin.
• 8/4/2008 I suck at Swahili... 
• 8/5/2008 God is so amazing!  I'm sitting here listening to the chatter of our team - excited to share the days events.... I said to Caleb, "I'm so giddy. Everyone's all giddy."  He said, "Everyone's on a God high!"  He couldn't be more right!
• 8/6/2008 Tonight I watched a Masai woman dance and sing.  I never thought or hoped, that of all the things that might happen on this trip - I never thought in I would see a Masai woman dance.
• 8/8/2008 I possibly saw a glimpse of my future yesterday.  We went to the local hospital.  It was terrible and wonderful all at the same time. 
• 8/9/2008 I'm tired.  I can feel myself shutting down.  I'm emotionally tired.  I'm so overwhelmed withe everything I've seen and done.  Today was hard.  I just wanted to be done. I want to rest.  Sit n the sun.  Part of me wants to go home. A bigger part of me never wants to leave.  I never expected to feel this way.
• 8/10/2008 My heart broke as I saw women dressed in short pants and bare shoulders milling around a flamboyantly painted building.  As soon as I saw them I knew what their profession was. Then the Father told me to go talk to them. Tell them the story of the woman at the well. 
• 8/11/2008 Leaving this place will be harder than I thought.  I've seen God in ways I've never experienced.  I found a boldness I didn't know existed.  I found a strength I wasn't sure I had. Most importantly, I found a love that I never expected.
• 8/12/2008  Give yourself fully to God.  He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in HIS love than in your weakness.  

That's it.  A glimpse into my thoughts from my first trip.  Four years later, I continue to have doubts and feel completely unprepared for Africa.  Thankfully, the Father is bigger than any doubt or unpreparedness. 

38!? Really?

So, I just celebrated my 38th birthday.  As they say, time flies.  It was a good birthday, filled with good friends, good food and good dessert!  I even got to blow out a few candles after 7 little ones, all under the age of 11, sang me Happy Birthday. Then we dined on the most amazing homemade vanilla cupcakes with yummy chocolate frosting (Thanks Liv!).  All in all, it was good and thoroughly celebrated.  Here's the thing, I'm 38. Yeah...that's right... 38.  I know it's just a number and age is how you feel and all that. And most peeps are shocked when I tell them my age. (Thankfully, they think I'm younger, not older)  But this birthday - this one has been bothering me. I'm not sure why it's bugging me so much more any other.  Only other birthday that I remember bugging me a little was 31.  I know, right?  Not 30, but 31.  I loved turning 30.  It was awesome!  31 was harder.  38 is harder still.  Maybe it's because it's just that much closer to 40?  It just sounds so, adult.  38. Almost 40. Could be? 
Maybe it's because I thought I would be somewhere so different in life by now.  Not just marriage, kids- all that- I think I thought I would feel, I don't know, more settled.  I still feel as if my life is in flux. Don't get me wrong.  I am working in my dream job as a peds nurse - almost a year now- I have a great apartment, wonderful friends, a great church family... I feel as if I'm doing something - contributing to the world in my own way, etc. etc.  I guess, I just feel like there's more.  More to me, to this life, more I'm supposed to do - and I'm getting a little impatient with the "waiting".  Like I can't REALLY put down my roots yet, 'cause I know something else is coming...  something BIG.  But, even though I know this, I'm still looking at my age, my life and asking, "when? I'm not getting any younger..."  Does that even make sense? 
So I guess, I contiue to wait.  A year from now, I may be asking the same question.  Feeling the same unsettled-ness.  However, I will wait for that something BIG that I know is out there.

Easter thoughts...

So this last weekend was Easter.  I love this day!  We get to celebrate the fact that Jesus didn't stay dead.  He walked out of the tomb on the third day - ALIVE!  Woo hoo! We had great services at GGBC (4 of them) and I had the privilege of being part of them by doing a spoken word thing with two others.  It was awesome.
Here's the thing...  I should celebrate "Easter" everyday.  I should be joyful, to the point of giddiness EVERYDAY.  The thing is, yes - Jesus walked out of the tomb that day o-so-many years ago - but He didn't go back in. He's still ALIVE.  And I should celebrate that everyday in the same manner.  But do I?  No. After the "holiday" is over, I go back to living as if He's still in the tomb. Does that make sense? Food for thought.

Here's the video of Odd Thomas, the artist who wrote the spoken word we did.  It's pretty much awesome! 

  

Who are my "Neighbors"....

My dear friend Lance preached a great message this passed weekend. As a church we've been going through a series, "All In", going through Mark 12:28-30.  Lance tackled the second greatest commandment, " You should love your neighbor as yourself..." Using the story of The Good Samaritan, he really made me think about not only how I treat people, but what I think or say about people. Towards the end of the sermon Lance shared a list of those who are our "neighbors"....  It was convicting to say the least. 

As I processed through the sermon and thought about the "list" that Lance presented, I thought of my own.
These are what I came up with...

President of Sudan Omar al-Bashir
Joseph Kony
Sex Traffickers
Child abusers
Pat Robertson or any "Christian" who give Christ Followers a bad name.
the "johns" that keep up the demand side of prostitutin
Parents of patients who may not lay a hand on their children, but abuse them just the same.
The woman who told my friend she's going to hell.
The patient's dad who called me "abrasive".
My Facebook "friends" who post political rhetoric that is unsubstantiated
Anybody who hurts my friends, my youth or my family.
 
The list could go on.  I'm sure.  Here's the thing.  Regardless of who they are or what they've done, Jesus died for them just as much as He died for me.







For those of you who are interested, here's Lance's sermon...

PT:7 All In Series from Greater Gresham on Vimeo.

A good example of a bad idea....

Four shifts in a row.

Nuff said.

The nose knows....

Isn't it funny how smells can just transport us??  Like, the smell of the first rain in spring always transports me back to outdoor school or camping.  I love that wet, green smell.  Sometimes I'll get a hint of cologne mixed with pipe tobacco that reminds me of my dad.(He smoked a pipe when I was little) Or if I smell baking cookies -really sweet ones, I think about Disneyland and walking down Main Street, breathing in all the goodness the bakery has to offer. (side note - did you know that Disneyland actually pipes the smells from the bakery out to the street? Walt's idea. True story) But nothing transports me back than the smells that remind me of Africa.  Sometimes it's just the smell of burning wood mixed in with other odors that does it.  Even here at the hospital sometimes I get a wiff of something and BAM... I'm in Tanzania.  I find myself inhaling even harder, trying to capture that moment, that feeling of being back in the place I love most...  

First night in a new "home"...

I don't know about you, but I hate change.  Actually, that's not completely true.  Let's call it more of a love/hate relationship.  I like the excitement of new and different things, but I'm also a creature of comfort and habits.  So tonight is my first night at the new Children's hospital.  We've been anticipating this move for awhile.  It's an absolutely beautiful hospital.  REALLY spiffy.  The thing is, not only has my space changed - my unit has changed.  I am now working with a different population of patients and a new team. Can anyone say "fish out of water"?  I went to visit my 36 peeps on their new floor -  I literally almost cried.  Not that everyone on my new unit has been AMAZING!!!! I am super lucky to have a GREAT team to work with.  Everyone has been super welcoming and nice!!  I just know my 36 peeps and the patients.  I was super happy when my charge told me I would be admitting a 5 week old with respiratory issues.  It was like going "home". 
All and all it was a good night.  Lots of asking "where is..." or "has anyone seen..." Just change and I don't seem to get along very often.  So come Friday, when I'm back for my next shift - let the growing pains continue.

This is nursing....

so, here I sit at work, only a couple hours to go and let me just say - it's been a long night.  It's been one of those shifts... Of my four patients, I think I've been successful with one, maybe 2 of them. It sucks.  Makes one feel less than competent.  The one patient that was supposed to be my smooth sailing patient, hasn't been and vice versa for my more complicated. "Smooth Sailing" was supposed to go home today after a long stay - however, things happened and now they get to stay at least a day, if not 2. Understandably, they're disappointed and frustrated.  Don't get me wrong, they have been nothing but pleasant and kind to me, I just feel as if I keep failing at being their nurse. I hate that. And "Complicated" has been easy as pie, calls me Miss Nicole and thanks me for EVERYTHING.  Not kidding. Just goes to show that no matter what you think when you look at your assignment or how you feel at the beginning of your shift - you might find yourself at 5:53 in the morning longing for your shift to be over and your head to be on a pillow.  And that my friends, is nursing.






PS - I came in tonight and "Smooth Sailing" was able to go home...

And in this corner....

Asking for help isn't easy for me. Not talking about at work.  Asking for help at work is no sweat.  I know my limits. Even more important, someone else's well being may be affected if I don't ask for help and try to do something on my own.  Help is easy at work. And as I've said before, I work with the best of the best when it comes to work, so asking for assistance is easy.  I'm talking about the type of  help one needs in everyday life. I'm fairly, scratch that, fiercely independant.  Been that way for most of my life. Some of my independance is from being single and I'm very proud of being able to take care of myself.  Some of my independance is survival. (My earlier life forced "taking care of myself" upon me - but that's a whole other story) This is where asking for help is hard.  It's like a war inside.  I know I shouldn't feel like I'm a failure for not being "capable" or whatever.  Or know that it's ok to depend on others. Maybe that's the problem.  It's not my independance, it's learning to rely on others.  And sometimes, I want to be ok with depending on others, I want to be a "girl".  I want someone to swoop in and do the heavy lifting or the defending or ....  change a flat tire.  This happened the other day.  Now, I've had a flat or two.  I don't freak out.  I even know how to change a tire. I just didn't want to change my tire.  I didn't want to be the strong independant, "I can take care of anything" woman.  I wanted to be a "girl".  I was pulling into my usual breakfast spot, Sweet Betty's, with a couple of my girlfriends (who also struggle with their own battles of fierce independance - but that's for their blogs) when I got a flat. I so didn't want to deal with it. But it was mine to deal with, right?? I half jokingly texted my friend Lance. Told him I'd buy him breakfast if he would come change my tire. Not 10 minutes later, I looked up and saw his truck parked outside.  I was so happy that my friend came to help and yet felt awful that not only was I putting him out at 8:30 in the morning, what did this say about me and my abilities to take care of myself? On his way to the church, he didn't have time to join us for breakfast, but would be happy to change my tire....And so the boxing match began...."And in this corner-- weighing in at a ton of bricks--37 year champion "Fierce Independance"......and in the other corner, weighing in at a mere feather, our underdog "Inner Girl".
I told him it was fine.  I would just call Les Schwab. "Don't worry about it, " I said. Then the Father stepped in, telling me to let the "girl" win.... Not really a fair fight, when God gets involved, right??? It was so stinkin' hard!  To allow my friend to change my tire.  My friend who is pretty much my brother, who's family -  it took all of my being to let him help me.
so here it is.  Here's the challenge.  How do I allow my inner girl to win without the Father stepping in?  Do you realize how much IKEA furniture I've put together by myself the last few months because I didn't want to ask for help?  I mean I put together a couch.... A couch....!  Just because I was too proud/afraid/stubborn to ask someone to come help me.  I brag about all that I do all by myself, when really I'm just sad that I didn't have help.  But you can't get help without asking for it...

Best and Worst

Best part of my job: Holding babies and snuggling them
Worst part of my job: Holding kiddos down for something that is painful (i.e. lab draws, IV's etc)

Best part of my job: Helping kiddos feel better
Worst part of my job: Kiddos not feeling better no matter what I/we do

Best part of my job: Getting "high 5's" from patients
Worst part of my job: Getting kicked in the face by patients (see the first one for why)

Best part of my job: Night shift
Worst part of my job: Night shift

Best part of my job: The Nurses I work with!
Worst part of my job: In February, I'm going to a different unit than the majority of my friends on Unit 36. (Thankfully I'll have Lisa and Kyla and I will be reunited with Natalie!)

Best part of my job: Being asked if I'm nocturnal by a 5 year old patient.
Worst part of my job: Having a patient cry as soon as I walk into the room.

Best part of my job: Walking out the door in the morning knowing I did well.
Worst part of my job: Walking out the door in the morning wanting to cry.


Best part of my job - I get paid to do this.

Challenge...

The Father has been challenging me lately with being content as a single person. I so desperately yearn to be a wife and a mom. The Father, in His awesome way, has shown me that I've been sitting on my hands a little. Doing the "when" game. Well, whining actually. When will I be married? When will I have children? When will I..... Fill in the blank. Reading through Isaiah, the Father spoke to me through the words in chapter 54

Isaiah 54
The Eternal Covenant of Peace
1 “Sing, O barren one, who did not bear;
break forth into singing and cry aloud,
you who have not been in labor!
For the children of the desolate one will be more
than the children of her who is married,” says the LORD.
2 “Enlarge the place of your tent,
and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out;
do not hold back; lengthen your cords
and strengthen your stakes.
3 For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left,
and your offspring will possess the nations
and will people the desolate cities.

4 “Fear not, for you will not be ashamed;
be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced;
for you will forget the shame of your youth,
and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.
5 For your Maker is your husband,
the LORD of hosts is his name;

I realized that God has given me the opportunity and the ability to be a "mom" to the youth, my friends children, my patients and my Maker is my husband. He showed me to start putting my money where my mouth is, so to speak. He also revealed to me the loneliness I feel will not go away with marriage. I will pretty much be as "miserable" married as I am single. Husband won't fix it. So Jesus is growing me and stretching me to be content in Him and Him alone. It's a hard lesson, but I'm learning.

Single Girl and the Church

As a single girl and a Christ follower there's an obvious, and yet very important piece missing from life - Who's my spiritual leader? Genesis 2 talks about how God provided a helpmate for Adam in Eve --

“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”

²⁴ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

And as Paul wrote in Ephesians
"For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior"

I haven't been united with a husband. I realize that before a woman is married, her father is in charge. Right? So the obvious answer would be my father or even my brother. My best friend Molly has both. Her dad and her brother are amazing Godly men and both of them are her spiritual leaders until she gets married. It's wonderful to watch... So what do I do? I mean let's be honest, my family, well, is broken. Thankfully, I have a relationship with my dad -however, his relationship with God is... questionable. So dad's not the answer. I can go to him about some things and I love my dad, but well, it just doesn't work. I, like my bestie, have and older brother and wouldn't he be a great leader. I love my brother very much - however, he needs Jesus. So what's a single girl to do? Who do I go to?
Well, God figured it out for me long before I realized I would need it. (of course he did) The last 10 or so years I have been blessed with multiple brothers in Christ who, during certain seasons of my life, stand in as my spiritual leaders. And it works. Amazingly. Not only do I have an awesome relationship with my pastor who I can go to with anything, I have multiple "big brothers" who (along with their wives) I can go to whenever I need advice or wisdom. I'm a big verbal processor and it is so great having these Godly men who I can go to. God is amazing, isn't He?

A New Year

Here it is. 2012. Wow. Where did the year go? It feels like just yesterday I was starting my last semester of nursing school. I've been an official Registered Nurse for 5 months. Yeeowsa! The first months of nursing have taught me some very valuable lessons. First, there are NO stupid questions. This has been hard. It takes swallowing your pride, admitting you don't know something or more likely, you just can't seem to access the information from your brain, and asking another nurse who does know. Thankfully, I work with amazing nurses who seem to always answer my questions in a way that never makes me feel stupid. The worst thing in the world is being to proud to ask and without realizing it, you could endanger your patient or your job. Another lesson is when working graveyard shifts, you can never get too much sleep and you never want to work more than 3 shifts in a row. (I shot myself in the foot with my schedule next week and am working 4. I'll let you know how it goes) This is a no-brainer, but wear good shoes. And compression socks. Your feet and legs will thank you. Another important lesson has been- wear layers, so you can add or take off depending of temperature. You might have a patient who's room is a sauna, while another is the arctic. Or, you could end up having thermostat wars with your coworkers- as I do wit Robin. She is always cold and I'm always hot. There's always a battle when we work together.
That's just a quick list. There's probably a zillion more things that I will learn in the coming months and years... Becoming a nurse, for lack of a better word, is a process.