Africa... Again.

In less than a month I will be winging my way back to the continent I love - Africa.  This is my third trip and I am so looking forward to being there again. I was going through some things around the house this morning and found my journal from my first trip in 2008.  Reading through my entries, my head was flooded with so many wonderful memories... So much has changed since that first trip.   I had just received my acceptance to Linfield Nursing School and was to start the month I got back.  Four years later, I've been a nurse for a year and have my dream job.  I decided to share some of the highlights from my journal here... 

• 7/30/2008 There is no more time.  Ready or not- I'm going to Africa tomorrow.  Alli asked me what I was feeling.  There are too many words right now.  I just pray the Father works mightily through and in our team.  The slog there will be interesting... we'll see.... 
•  8/2/2008 Sensory overload.  I had to shut my eyes driving out of the city.  So much poverty and desolation.  Such a different life than what I know.  I had a momentary freakout - thinking "Lord, I can't do this.  I want to go home.  What was I thinking coming to Africa.  What am I thinking? Possibly, spending my life here? I can't do it."  Then the Father reminded me - You can't, but I can.
• 8/2/2008 The contrast between the buildings and streets and the clothes on the women astounds me.  Pops of vibrant color against a dreary backdrop.  Woman after woman - amazing yellows and reds - some with precious cargo slung to their backs.  Others with baskets laden with purchases on top their heads.  Reminds me of what the Father calls us out to be - in a world of desolation and spiritual poverty, we are called to stand against a fallen backdrop - showing the true color, the very nature of the Father. 
• 8/4/2008 Yesterday was hard.  So many emotions. Tears are continually spilling over my eyes down my cheeks. The amount of love I feel swelling up in my heart for people is overwhelmin.
• 8/4/2008 I suck at Swahili... 
• 8/5/2008 God is so amazing!  I'm sitting here listening to the chatter of our team - excited to share the days events.... I said to Caleb, "I'm so giddy. Everyone's all giddy."  He said, "Everyone's on a God high!"  He couldn't be more right!
• 8/6/2008 Tonight I watched a Masai woman dance and sing.  I never thought or hoped, that of all the things that might happen on this trip - I never thought in I would see a Masai woman dance.
• 8/8/2008 I possibly saw a glimpse of my future yesterday.  We went to the local hospital.  It was terrible and wonderful all at the same time. 
• 8/9/2008 I'm tired.  I can feel myself shutting down.  I'm emotionally tired.  I'm so overwhelmed withe everything I've seen and done.  Today was hard.  I just wanted to be done. I want to rest.  Sit n the sun.  Part of me wants to go home. A bigger part of me never wants to leave.  I never expected to feel this way.
• 8/10/2008 My heart broke as I saw women dressed in short pants and bare shoulders milling around a flamboyantly painted building.  As soon as I saw them I knew what their profession was. Then the Father told me to go talk to them. Tell them the story of the woman at the well. 
• 8/11/2008 Leaving this place will be harder than I thought.  I've seen God in ways I've never experienced.  I found a boldness I didn't know existed.  I found a strength I wasn't sure I had. Most importantly, I found a love that I never expected.
• 8/12/2008  Give yourself fully to God.  He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in HIS love than in your weakness.  

That's it.  A glimpse into my thoughts from my first trip.  Four years later, I continue to have doubts and feel completely unprepared for Africa.  Thankfully, the Father is bigger than any doubt or unpreparedness.