Sun burns. Bug Bites and Ice Packs... all in a days work for a camp nurse.

A week ago, I had the privledge of being the Camp Nurse for Centrifuge 2012.  It was my first time as a camp nurse.  I've done camp countless times - from cabin leader to camp director - but never a nurse.  We had over 350 students, junior high and highschoolers- plus some 50 or so adult leaders (and yes, the adults injured themselves too - Talking to you Jason from Tri City Baptist) . Along with the twisted ankles, scraped up knees and upset tummies, I had a few repeat offenders who claimed injury - "my ankle's sprained" or "my leg won't let me walk up the big hill"or my favorite "I may have just walked all the way to your cabin from across camp, but I think my foot's broken".  I also saw a few homesick kiddos, who just needed to sit with me on the porch and a girls who wanted to talk about the "stuff" in their lives. My cabin had a "revolving" door from sun up to sun down.  By the end of the first full day, I felt unprepared and overwhelmed.  I wasn't sure if I would last the week.  I felt so out of my element. Weird, right?  Being a peds nurse, I felt out of my element.  Yet, at work, I have other nurses to dialog with and typically a physician or two just a phone call a way.  I've never been the one and only.  It was challenging to say the least.  I can talk a good talk, but when it comes down to it - I sometimes feel completely inept as a nurse.  But then I have those moments, those moments that by the grace of God, I do the right thing. And know that it was all Him. I only had one of those moments last week. If it weren't for the Holy Spirit, I may have totally messed up. A camper was passing out, unable to stay "awake". I had no clue at first.  Then - aha - low blood sugar, so low he was almost unconscious.  I just shoved an orange into his mouth, hoping and praying that would do the trick, otherwise we'd be calling 911.  I was so scared - thinking what if this isn't it. He started to perk up and I had him eat the rest of the orange, plus another one.  After all was said and done - I had to drop to my knees and thank the Father for helping me know what to do and for telling me to grab and orange on my way out of the dining hall.
Feeling less than awesome, though, was later. By the end of the week, Nurse Nicole was drained. Worn out.  My empathy for the "non injury" injuries was waning, which made me feel somewhat of a failure.  It felt as if I didn't have anymore to give.  It sucked. I wanted to go and hideout in my cabin. Thankfully, the awesomeness of the students and a few honest words from a new friend, I put on my big girl panties and crossed the finish line.
Here's the thing, it will be the same when (and if) I go into career international missions as a nurse. At times, I will feel completely inept. I will get overwhelmed and feel drained.  My week at Centrifuge gave me a taste of what I'm in for - good and bad - someday down the road.  It makes me wonder, if I can barely last a week - what's going to happen when it's months, years? Maybe there it too will take awesomeness from children and honest words from a friend.  Until then, I will go back to Centrifuge next year, armed with a cooler full of ice, a glucometer and maybe even, another nurse.

Africa... Again.

In less than a month I will be winging my way back to the continent I love - Africa.  This is my third trip and I am so looking forward to being there again. I was going through some things around the house this morning and found my journal from my first trip in 2008.  Reading through my entries, my head was flooded with so many wonderful memories... So much has changed since that first trip.   I had just received my acceptance to Linfield Nursing School and was to start the month I got back.  Four years later, I've been a nurse for a year and have my dream job.  I decided to share some of the highlights from my journal here... 

• 7/30/2008 There is no more time.  Ready or not- I'm going to Africa tomorrow.  Alli asked me what I was feeling.  There are too many words right now.  I just pray the Father works mightily through and in our team.  The slog there will be interesting... we'll see.... 
•  8/2/2008 Sensory overload.  I had to shut my eyes driving out of the city.  So much poverty and desolation.  Such a different life than what I know.  I had a momentary freakout - thinking "Lord, I can't do this.  I want to go home.  What was I thinking coming to Africa.  What am I thinking? Possibly, spending my life here? I can't do it."  Then the Father reminded me - You can't, but I can.
• 8/2/2008 The contrast between the buildings and streets and the clothes on the women astounds me.  Pops of vibrant color against a dreary backdrop.  Woman after woman - amazing yellows and reds - some with precious cargo slung to their backs.  Others with baskets laden with purchases on top their heads.  Reminds me of what the Father calls us out to be - in a world of desolation and spiritual poverty, we are called to stand against a fallen backdrop - showing the true color, the very nature of the Father. 
• 8/4/2008 Yesterday was hard.  So many emotions. Tears are continually spilling over my eyes down my cheeks. The amount of love I feel swelling up in my heart for people is overwhelmin.
• 8/4/2008 I suck at Swahili... 
• 8/5/2008 God is so amazing!  I'm sitting here listening to the chatter of our team - excited to share the days events.... I said to Caleb, "I'm so giddy. Everyone's all giddy."  He said, "Everyone's on a God high!"  He couldn't be more right!
• 8/6/2008 Tonight I watched a Masai woman dance and sing.  I never thought or hoped, that of all the things that might happen on this trip - I never thought in I would see a Masai woman dance.
• 8/8/2008 I possibly saw a glimpse of my future yesterday.  We went to the local hospital.  It was terrible and wonderful all at the same time. 
• 8/9/2008 I'm tired.  I can feel myself shutting down.  I'm emotionally tired.  I'm so overwhelmed withe everything I've seen and done.  Today was hard.  I just wanted to be done. I want to rest.  Sit n the sun.  Part of me wants to go home. A bigger part of me never wants to leave.  I never expected to feel this way.
• 8/10/2008 My heart broke as I saw women dressed in short pants and bare shoulders milling around a flamboyantly painted building.  As soon as I saw them I knew what their profession was. Then the Father told me to go talk to them. Tell them the story of the woman at the well. 
• 8/11/2008 Leaving this place will be harder than I thought.  I've seen God in ways I've never experienced.  I found a boldness I didn't know existed.  I found a strength I wasn't sure I had. Most importantly, I found a love that I never expected.
• 8/12/2008  Give yourself fully to God.  He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in HIS love than in your weakness.  

That's it.  A glimpse into my thoughts from my first trip.  Four years later, I continue to have doubts and feel completely unprepared for Africa.  Thankfully, the Father is bigger than any doubt or unpreparedness.