And in this corner....

Asking for help isn't easy for me. Not talking about at work.  Asking for help at work is no sweat.  I know my limits. Even more important, someone else's well being may be affected if I don't ask for help and try to do something on my own.  Help is easy at work. And as I've said before, I work with the best of the best when it comes to work, so asking for assistance is easy.  I'm talking about the type of  help one needs in everyday life. I'm fairly, scratch that, fiercely independant.  Been that way for most of my life. Some of my independance is from being single and I'm very proud of being able to take care of myself.  Some of my independance is survival. (My earlier life forced "taking care of myself" upon me - but that's a whole other story) This is where asking for help is hard.  It's like a war inside.  I know I shouldn't feel like I'm a failure for not being "capable" or whatever.  Or know that it's ok to depend on others. Maybe that's the problem.  It's not my independance, it's learning to rely on others.  And sometimes, I want to be ok with depending on others, I want to be a "girl".  I want someone to swoop in and do the heavy lifting or the defending or ....  change a flat tire.  This happened the other day.  Now, I've had a flat or two.  I don't freak out.  I even know how to change a tire. I just didn't want to change my tire.  I didn't want to be the strong independant, "I can take care of anything" woman.  I wanted to be a "girl".  I was pulling into my usual breakfast spot, Sweet Betty's, with a couple of my girlfriends (who also struggle with their own battles of fierce independance - but that's for their blogs) when I got a flat. I so didn't want to deal with it. But it was mine to deal with, right?? I half jokingly texted my friend Lance. Told him I'd buy him breakfast if he would come change my tire. Not 10 minutes later, I looked up and saw his truck parked outside.  I was so happy that my friend came to help and yet felt awful that not only was I putting him out at 8:30 in the morning, what did this say about me and my abilities to take care of myself? On his way to the church, he didn't have time to join us for breakfast, but would be happy to change my tire....And so the boxing match began...."And in this corner-- weighing in at a ton of bricks--37 year champion "Fierce Independance"......and in the other corner, weighing in at a mere feather, our underdog "Inner Girl".
I told him it was fine.  I would just call Les Schwab. "Don't worry about it, " I said. Then the Father stepped in, telling me to let the "girl" win.... Not really a fair fight, when God gets involved, right??? It was so stinkin' hard!  To allow my friend to change my tire.  My friend who is pretty much my brother, who's family -  it took all of my being to let him help me.
so here it is.  Here's the challenge.  How do I allow my inner girl to win without the Father stepping in?  Do you realize how much IKEA furniture I've put together by myself the last few months because I didn't want to ask for help?  I mean I put together a couch.... A couch....!  Just because I was too proud/afraid/stubborn to ask someone to come help me.  I brag about all that I do all by myself, when really I'm just sad that I didn't have help.  But you can't get help without asking for it...