Pooping my pants - lessons from Haiti

I've been missing Haiti today... I was sitting here reminiscing about my last trip.  A third year veteran, I thought I had Haiti wired.  I knew what I was doing.  There was nothing that could catch me off guard. Yeah, I know, seriously arrogant, right? Yet there was lesson that I was forced to learn, yet again -NOTHING goes as planned.  What is the saying, "Wanna make God laugh...make plans." Yeah.. He laughed.
So there I was in Haiti, my home away from home... and BAM! my "plans",  my pride were given the heave ho! 
It was day two -  DAY TWO! - I woke up feeling less than stellar, but I blamed poor sleep, the humidity... once I got to clinic I would rally. Yeah, right.  As the day wore on, I progressively started feeling less and less awesome.  At one point, my dear sweet bestie Sarah commented, "You look like shit."  Well, yes.  That about summed up how I was feeling...however, I didn't have time for this... I had plans.  I had things to do.  Patients to see.  Medications to explain... I didn't have time to sit for an IV and fluids... I was there to work.  I was letting my team down.  I was failing. There I sat, for the majority of the clinic, attached to a tube pouring Lactated Ringers into my system.... and if that wasn't enough, I then proceeded to lose the contents of my stomach outside the back of the church with poor little Haitian children looking on.... and that wasn't the most humiliating thing to happen....
What, pray tell, could possibly be worst than traumatizing sweet little ones with your undigested lunch...  Well, I pooped my pants.... yep.  That happened.  And let me tell you, you never feel more vulnerable then when you have no control and poop your pants.
There I was, getting ready for bed, about to brush my teeth and, well, I'll save you from the gory details, just know - it wasn't pretty...   Thankfully, my dear sweet friend Patty was there and immediately started taking care of me... it was hard to be that vulnerable... completely helpless... and allow my friend to enter into an ugly and unpleasant place..... and for "Miss Independent, I can take care of myself", it might have been one of the hardest things I've ever done.
But that's life right?  That's relationship and community.... Figuratively and literally, allowing your people into your ugly--into the places that only you and the Father know about... I'm still learning how to do this.... I think I will be continuing on this journey for the rest of my life.....


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Be bold. Be fierce.

Somewhere in the last month or so I feel as if I've lost my bold and my fierce. I could speculate or form some conjecture as to why… But at this point it doesn’t matter why, it just matters that I reclaim my bold and fierceness… So, watch out world because, as Maya Angelou puts it, this girl is going to “go out and grab the world by the lapels.  Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.”

Diving into Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey for the second time... I so love this book  As a woman and a Christ follower - it speaks to my heart and rocks my world.  If you haven't read it, I challenge you to do so!  And I mean challenge.  It's challenging and rich and gutsy! Ms. Bessey, you've got chutzpah! This poem is at the beginning of the book... I love it! 

Let Us Be Women Who Love

Idelette McVicker

Let us be women who Love.
Let us be women willing to lay down our sword words, our sharp looks, our ignorant silence and towering stance and fill the earth with extravagant Love.
Let us be women who Love.
Let us be women who make room.
Let us be women who open our arms and invite others into an honest, spacious, glorious embrace.

Let us be women who carry each other.
Let us be women who give from what we have.
Let us be women who leap to do the difficult things, the unexpected things and the necessary things.
Let us be women who live for Peace.
Let us be women who breathe Hope.
Let us be women who Create beauty.
Let us be women who Love.

Let us be a sanctuary where God may dwell.
Let us be a garden for tender souls.
Let us be a table where others may feast on the goodness of God.
Let us be a womb of Life to grow.
Let us be women who love.

Let us rise to the question of our time.
Let us speak to the injustices in our world.
Let us move the mountains of fear and intimidation.
Let us shout down the walls that separate and divide.
Let us fill the earth with the fragrance of Love.
Let us be women who Love.

Let us listen for those who have been silenced.
Let us honor those who have been devalued.
Let us say, Enough! With abuse, abandonment, diminishing and hiding.
Let us not rest until every person is free and equal.
Let us be women who love. 

Let us be women who are savvy, smart, and wise.
Let us be women who shine with the light of God in us.
Let us be women who take courage and sing the song in our hearts.
Let us be women who say, Yes to the beautiful, unique purpose seeded in our souls.
Let us be women who call out the song in another’s heart.
Let us be women who teach our children to do the same.
Let us be women who Love.

Let us be women who Love, in spite of fear.
Let us be women who Love, in spite of our stories.
Let us be women who Love loudly, beautifully, Divinely.
Let us be women who Love.