So, I just celebrated my 38th birthday. As they say, time flies. It was a good birthday, filled with good friends, good food and good dessert! I even got to blow out a few candles after 7 little ones, all under the age of 11, sang me Happy Birthday. Then we dined on the most amazing homemade vanilla cupcakes with yummy chocolate frosting (Thanks Liv!). All in all, it was good and thoroughly celebrated. Here's the thing, I'm 38. Yeah...that's right... 38. I know it's just a number and age is how you feel and all that. And most peeps are shocked when I tell them my age. (Thankfully, they think I'm younger, not older) But this birthday - this one has been bothering me. I'm not sure why it's bugging me so much more any other. Only other birthday that I remember bugging me a little was 31. I know, right? Not 30, but 31. I loved turning 30. It was awesome! 31 was harder. 38 is harder still. Maybe it's because it's just that much closer to 40? It just sounds so, adult. 38. Almost 40. Could be?
Maybe it's because I thought I would be somewhere so different in life by now. Not just marriage, kids- all that- I think I thought I would feel, I don't know, more settled. I still feel as if my life is in flux. Don't get me wrong. I am working in my dream job as a peds nurse - almost a year now- I have a great apartment, wonderful friends, a great church family... I feel as if I'm doing something - contributing to the world in my own way, etc. etc. I guess, I just feel like there's more. More to me, to this life, more I'm supposed to do - and I'm getting a little impatient with the "waiting". Like I can't REALLY put down my roots yet, 'cause I know something else is coming... something BIG. But, even though I know this, I'm still looking at my age, my life and asking, "when? I'm not getting any younger..." Does that even make sense?
So I guess, I contiue to wait. A year from now, I may be asking the same question. Feeling the same unsettled-ness. However, I will wait for that something BIG that I know is out there.
