Learning instead of just being...

con·tent/kənˈtent/ Adjective: In a state of peaceful happiness.

Verb: Satisfy (someone).

Noun: 1.A state of satisfaction: "the greater part of the century was a time of content". Synonyms: adjective. contented - pleased - satisfied - glad - happ 

verb. satisfy - gratify - please - indulge - suffice

noun. contents - satisfaction - contentment
 

It's been awhile since my last post. Lots has happened over the last few weeks.  Went to East Africa.  It was amazing!  It was everything I could have hoped for and more.  It was life changing to say the least.  On this trip the Father gave me much to think and pray about.  Including Phillipians 4:11.  Specifically, where Paul says, " ¹¹ ... for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." 

Learned to be content.  Who would of thought?  In all my years as a Christ follower, I've always kinda just assumed that if I wasn't content, I was doing something wrong or that I was saying that Jesus wasn't enough. That I was missing something or other that made me content and therefore, the "content boat"-whatever that is- sailed without me.  Why wasn't I "content"?  As if it was this "state of being" that one acheived at Christian maturity.  Like nirvana, or something. Of course, when I see that in writing I have to laugh, because that doesn't even make any sense. There's no magic "content" pill or Fairy Godmother that sings "bibbity boppity boo -  now your content too!"  I'm sure I've read Phillipians 4:11 a bunch of times and just floated right over the word "learned".  I kept expecting to one day wake up and find contentment.  I'm not saying I've been living in this constant state of dissatisfaction with life, all sad and depressed.  However, there have been times when my - as the definition reads - state of satisfacton or peaceful happiness has waned.  And then in East Africa something changed. I changed. My understanding changed.  All it took was Mike speaking those words to someone else on our team. I wasn't even involved in the conversation.  I just overheard him.  Talking to one our teammates he said, "Paul said he learned to be content." It was like a light bulb went on.  There almost was this audible "click", like something snapped into place. What? Paul said what? Where?  I immediately pulled out my bible and looked it up.  There in Phillipians chapter 4, verse 11 - Paul said he "learned" to be content.  It was so liberating. I think I even got a little giddy. It was like the final puzzle piece I needed from the Father to know which way I was headed. As I said earlier, the Father gave me much to think about in Africa, a decision that would effect my life greatly, including if I follow the path that I believe God wants me to follow, it might mean closing a door on another path that I've wanted to take for some time. (sorry for the vagueness, not ready to share specifically yet).  Not that I've got it all figured out, but I've had some major progress. I'll let you know how it goes.... 

Jesus and Chicken

Heres a question to ponder: Would Jesus have eaten at Chick-fil-a yesterday?

Ok, this whole Chick-fil-a thing...  I think Christians missed the boat on this BIG TIME.  I've been thinking about this for a few days now, seeing all the posts on FB about supporting Chick-fil-a, hearing it on all the radio and all I've go to say is SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE!???!!!  I mean come on!  Christians all over America jumped on some bandwagon that I don't even think the president of Chick-fil-a, Dan Cathy, meant to create.  He stated his opinion about gay marriage in a very honest and non-condemning way. Other peeps stated their opinion in response and all of a sudden it was a "war" about the 1st amendment and freedom of speech, fighting for family values, etc. etc..Then, Mike Huckabee created his "Support Chick-fil-a day" yesterday and thousands of people went and ate chicken.  Don't get me wrong. Chick-fil-a does make good chicken. There used to be one at Lloyd Center.  I remember eating there as a kid, but I still don't get it. Am I missing something??  When did loving a moral stand become more important than loving on people?  Oh wait, that's right.  That IS what the general population thinks about Christians. That we are more about rules of what to do and not do and pointing our fingers at all that is wrong, instead of meeting people where they are at, building relationships and sharing with them the Good News of Jesus. In addtion, we don't help by continually giving them SO much ammunition. Is this how we as Christians are meant to share Christ's love with the world?  We walk around talking about "loving people to Christ" and yet we post hateful statements on various social media outlets. Hateful? May be a little strong.  So, not hateful - but sure as heck not loving.  Even if under the guise of supporting some one's 1st amendment right of free speech. OK, then, let's turn the table. What if Mr. Cathy wasn't a Christian and in an interview made a statement against the Christian faith?  Would you be so fast at protecting his 1st amendment right? Street goes both ways people. If Mr. Cathy has the right to say he doesn't believe in gay marriage, someone else has the right to say they don't believe in Jesus. And the mayor of whatever town has the right to say what they want.     
Here's my last and final thought - shall we say this is me exercising my 1st amendment right... (and I may tick some peeps off with this, but here goes)  Christ followers, lovers of Jesus, Adopted Children of the Almighty God - let's get our heads out of our behinds.  Let's actually do what Christ calls us to do - LOVE people as He loved people.  Let's remember, it's not about us.  It's not about us pushing some agenda.  It's not about picking various "sins" to rally against.  Let's give the non-Christians something to talk about other than how we're against the LGBT community. This all has been very reminiscent to me...  Something about pharisees and tax collectors...  and Jesus.
To answer my first question.  If Jesus went to Chick-fil-a yesterday, it's because He just wanted some chicken,.

Getting a lil more excited...

Today - well, actually yesterday as it is 4 o'clock in the morning - the first Africa team made it back to Portland. I love going to greet people at the airport after trips, especially mission trips.  No matter how kicked or how much a shower is needed - everyone always is so stoked to see their loved ones. And those waiting for them are just as stoked, just as giddy. It always reminds me of the beginning narrative of the movie Love Actually - Hugh Grant as the "Prime Minister" says,
 "Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinions starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around"

Everyone is all huggy and smiles.  It's infectious. I love it most because they are just amped to tell everyone what the Father did, what awesome things they saw and did. 
This time though, my excitement was even more personal, as the team was coming back from the place I will be headed to in 10 short days. It's new for me - headed to a different place than my two previous trips.  Let me be honest, I've done little thinking about Africa - Between work, Centrifuge and life in general - I really haven't put much thought into getting ready.  Other than finding my journal from the first trip (see previous post) and doing some of the necessary prep - getting ready has been on the back burner. For me, this is odd.  Normally, my bags would be out, mostly packed - with only those last minute items left.  For that reason, today was so good. Seeing the team, with their bright faces, bubbling over with tales to tell... AWESOME!  Even more encouraging was not 1, not 2, but 3 of the team members (including my pastor) said to me you are SO going to love it. I believe my pastor's words were, "Right up your alley."  I got really giddy... actually, I think I got teared up a little.  (so says Jeremy anyway). 
Leaving the airport, I realized I a little more spring in my step... Excitement was building. It was like a little love note from the Father.  Don't you just love it when the Father gives you those?  Now I'm excited.  Now I'm giddy.  Just 10 short days away...

Sun burns. Bug Bites and Ice Packs... all in a days work for a camp nurse.

A week ago, I had the privledge of being the Camp Nurse for Centrifuge 2012.  It was my first time as a camp nurse.  I've done camp countless times - from cabin leader to camp director - but never a nurse.  We had over 350 students, junior high and highschoolers- plus some 50 or so adult leaders (and yes, the adults injured themselves too - Talking to you Jason from Tri City Baptist) . Along with the twisted ankles, scraped up knees and upset tummies, I had a few repeat offenders who claimed injury - "my ankle's sprained" or "my leg won't let me walk up the big hill"or my favorite "I may have just walked all the way to your cabin from across camp, but I think my foot's broken".  I also saw a few homesick kiddos, who just needed to sit with me on the porch and a girls who wanted to talk about the "stuff" in their lives. My cabin had a "revolving" door from sun up to sun down.  By the end of the first full day, I felt unprepared and overwhelmed.  I wasn't sure if I would last the week.  I felt so out of my element. Weird, right?  Being a peds nurse, I felt out of my element.  Yet, at work, I have other nurses to dialog with and typically a physician or two just a phone call a way.  I've never been the one and only.  It was challenging to say the least.  I can talk a good talk, but when it comes down to it - I sometimes feel completely inept as a nurse.  But then I have those moments, those moments that by the grace of God, I do the right thing. And know that it was all Him. I only had one of those moments last week. If it weren't for the Holy Spirit, I may have totally messed up. A camper was passing out, unable to stay "awake". I had no clue at first.  Then - aha - low blood sugar, so low he was almost unconscious.  I just shoved an orange into his mouth, hoping and praying that would do the trick, otherwise we'd be calling 911.  I was so scared - thinking what if this isn't it. He started to perk up and I had him eat the rest of the orange, plus another one.  After all was said and done - I had to drop to my knees and thank the Father for helping me know what to do and for telling me to grab and orange on my way out of the dining hall.
Feeling less than awesome, though, was later. By the end of the week, Nurse Nicole was drained. Worn out.  My empathy for the "non injury" injuries was waning, which made me feel somewhat of a failure.  It felt as if I didn't have anymore to give.  It sucked. I wanted to go and hideout in my cabin. Thankfully, the awesomeness of the students and a few honest words from a new friend, I put on my big girl panties and crossed the finish line.
Here's the thing, it will be the same when (and if) I go into career international missions as a nurse. At times, I will feel completely inept. I will get overwhelmed and feel drained.  My week at Centrifuge gave me a taste of what I'm in for - good and bad - someday down the road.  It makes me wonder, if I can barely last a week - what's going to happen when it's months, years? Maybe there it too will take awesomeness from children and honest words from a friend.  Until then, I will go back to Centrifuge next year, armed with a cooler full of ice, a glucometer and maybe even, another nurse.

Africa... Again.

In less than a month I will be winging my way back to the continent I love - Africa.  This is my third trip and I am so looking forward to being there again. I was going through some things around the house this morning and found my journal from my first trip in 2008.  Reading through my entries, my head was flooded with so many wonderful memories... So much has changed since that first trip.   I had just received my acceptance to Linfield Nursing School and was to start the month I got back.  Four years later, I've been a nurse for a year and have my dream job.  I decided to share some of the highlights from my journal here... 

• 7/30/2008 There is no more time.  Ready or not- I'm going to Africa tomorrow.  Alli asked me what I was feeling.  There are too many words right now.  I just pray the Father works mightily through and in our team.  The slog there will be interesting... we'll see.... 
•  8/2/2008 Sensory overload.  I had to shut my eyes driving out of the city.  So much poverty and desolation.  Such a different life than what I know.  I had a momentary freakout - thinking "Lord, I can't do this.  I want to go home.  What was I thinking coming to Africa.  What am I thinking? Possibly, spending my life here? I can't do it."  Then the Father reminded me - You can't, but I can.
• 8/2/2008 The contrast between the buildings and streets and the clothes on the women astounds me.  Pops of vibrant color against a dreary backdrop.  Woman after woman - amazing yellows and reds - some with precious cargo slung to their backs.  Others with baskets laden with purchases on top their heads.  Reminds me of what the Father calls us out to be - in a world of desolation and spiritual poverty, we are called to stand against a fallen backdrop - showing the true color, the very nature of the Father. 
• 8/4/2008 Yesterday was hard.  So many emotions. Tears are continually spilling over my eyes down my cheeks. The amount of love I feel swelling up in my heart for people is overwhelmin.
• 8/4/2008 I suck at Swahili... 
• 8/5/2008 God is so amazing!  I'm sitting here listening to the chatter of our team - excited to share the days events.... I said to Caleb, "I'm so giddy. Everyone's all giddy."  He said, "Everyone's on a God high!"  He couldn't be more right!
• 8/6/2008 Tonight I watched a Masai woman dance and sing.  I never thought or hoped, that of all the things that might happen on this trip - I never thought in I would see a Masai woman dance.
• 8/8/2008 I possibly saw a glimpse of my future yesterday.  We went to the local hospital.  It was terrible and wonderful all at the same time. 
• 8/9/2008 I'm tired.  I can feel myself shutting down.  I'm emotionally tired.  I'm so overwhelmed withe everything I've seen and done.  Today was hard.  I just wanted to be done. I want to rest.  Sit n the sun.  Part of me wants to go home. A bigger part of me never wants to leave.  I never expected to feel this way.
• 8/10/2008 My heart broke as I saw women dressed in short pants and bare shoulders milling around a flamboyantly painted building.  As soon as I saw them I knew what their profession was. Then the Father told me to go talk to them. Tell them the story of the woman at the well. 
• 8/11/2008 Leaving this place will be harder than I thought.  I've seen God in ways I've never experienced.  I found a boldness I didn't know existed.  I found a strength I wasn't sure I had. Most importantly, I found a love that I never expected.
• 8/12/2008  Give yourself fully to God.  He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in HIS love than in your weakness.  

That's it.  A glimpse into my thoughts from my first trip.  Four years later, I continue to have doubts and feel completely unprepared for Africa.  Thankfully, the Father is bigger than any doubt or unpreparedness. 

38!? Really?

So, I just celebrated my 38th birthday.  As they say, time flies.  It was a good birthday, filled with good friends, good food and good dessert!  I even got to blow out a few candles after 7 little ones, all under the age of 11, sang me Happy Birthday. Then we dined on the most amazing homemade vanilla cupcakes with yummy chocolate frosting (Thanks Liv!).  All in all, it was good and thoroughly celebrated.  Here's the thing, I'm 38. Yeah...that's right... 38.  I know it's just a number and age is how you feel and all that. And most peeps are shocked when I tell them my age. (Thankfully, they think I'm younger, not older)  But this birthday - this one has been bothering me. I'm not sure why it's bugging me so much more any other.  Only other birthday that I remember bugging me a little was 31.  I know, right?  Not 30, but 31.  I loved turning 30.  It was awesome!  31 was harder.  38 is harder still.  Maybe it's because it's just that much closer to 40?  It just sounds so, adult.  38. Almost 40. Could be? 
Maybe it's because I thought I would be somewhere so different in life by now.  Not just marriage, kids- all that- I think I thought I would feel, I don't know, more settled.  I still feel as if my life is in flux. Don't get me wrong.  I am working in my dream job as a peds nurse - almost a year now- I have a great apartment, wonderful friends, a great church family... I feel as if I'm doing something - contributing to the world in my own way, etc. etc.  I guess, I just feel like there's more.  More to me, to this life, more I'm supposed to do - and I'm getting a little impatient with the "waiting".  Like I can't REALLY put down my roots yet, 'cause I know something else is coming...  something BIG.  But, even though I know this, I'm still looking at my age, my life and asking, "when? I'm not getting any younger..."  Does that even make sense? 
So I guess, I contiue to wait.  A year from now, I may be asking the same question.  Feeling the same unsettled-ness.  However, I will wait for that something BIG that I know is out there.

Easter thoughts...

So this last weekend was Easter.  I love this day!  We get to celebrate the fact that Jesus didn't stay dead.  He walked out of the tomb on the third day - ALIVE!  Woo hoo! We had great services at GGBC (4 of them) and I had the privilege of being part of them by doing a spoken word thing with two others.  It was awesome.
Here's the thing...  I should celebrate "Easter" everyday.  I should be joyful, to the point of giddiness EVERYDAY.  The thing is, yes - Jesus walked out of the tomb that day o-so-many years ago - but He didn't go back in. He's still ALIVE.  And I should celebrate that everyday in the same manner.  But do I?  No. After the "holiday" is over, I go back to living as if He's still in the tomb. Does that make sense? Food for thought.

Here's the video of Odd Thomas, the artist who wrote the spoken word we did.  It's pretty much awesome!